9 – Salmon, Stop It. Just Stop.

A cautionary tale from someone who almost became a fish.

So listen, I love salmon.
Grilled, smoked, pan-seared, raw, poached, broiled, sous-vide, if it swims and sparkles pink, I’ve probably eaten it.

But there comes a point in every carnivore’s life where even the most beloved omega-3 superstar turns on you.

It started out so innocent.
I was on a roll. Salmon for breakfast with some salt and a boiled egg. Salmon bits for lunch. Smoked salmon in the afternoon. Dinner? You guessed it, more salmon, this time in butter with crispy skin.

By day four, I wasn’t even chewing anymore. I was just absorbing it.

And then… my body said: “Ma’am, no.”

I’m not sure if it was the fish. Or mercury. Or if I was slowly turning into a magnetic sea creature. But let me tell you, when you start wondering if you can hear in sonar it’s time for a pause.

I had what I can only describe as a “mercurial identity crisis.”

Was it food poisoning? Was it karma for skipping steak three days in a row? Was it a salmon overdose?

All I know is, by the fourth day, I looked at another piece of salmon and got full from just eye contact.

The Carnivore Plot Twist

People think carnivore means steak, steak, and more steak, but trust me, you get creative. You rotate. You try everything. You think you’re “switching it up” by swapping ribeye for… salmon. And then you go too far. You salmon too close to the sun.

I had to give myself an intervention:

“Laura, put the salmon down. Walk away from the fish.”

Moral of the Story?

Balance. Even in a world of meat, your body knows when it’s had enough of something. Variety matters. And while I love my salmon moments, I now follow the official rule: three days max or you risk gills.

Also, mercury is real. (Don’t Google it at 2AM. Trust me.)