‘We all know them’

We all know them… People who can ruin a good meal merely by being themselves.

From a young age I already had a problem with people who drink and eat loudly. I’ve spent over 20 years trying to get it under control and it’s not really going as planned. (It’s as dramatic as it sounds).
Loud chewing is just one of the trickiest situations that I have to navigate, especially when I really want to gouge my eardrums out when I hear it.

It doesn’t matter where I am… they always find me!
As a magnet they have to sit near me.

It’s not normal that your tongue flopping
uncontrollably in your mouth like an angry hungry grizzly bear!
And whats up with that weird slurping thingy you’re all doing while swallowing. Make it Stop!

Every single time I try to brush off the uncomfortable feelings and visions that are swirling around in my head when someone is eating with their mouth open.
I know that it’s not ethical to punch someone in the face… so I won’t! But I do lash out many times at people, family and friends who are innocently eating chips, a salad or drinking a glass of water.
The ones who know me they laugh about it… the others… probably not.

And then my sweet husband that I love dearly… what can I say?
You do NOT need so much air while eating your breakfast, lunch and dinner.
It drives me crazy and I ask myself how he got to adulthood like this?

Then I am thinking… At what point did I miss that in our first years of dating?! I thought love makes you blind but obviously deaf as well.

There is no hope for me anymore and I have to accept this.
So here a tip from me. Before you marry him/her, listen to them chew! If you can stand that noise the rest of your life… Go ahead with the wedding. You’re welcome!

*If you feel offended after reading this, then you probably wanna start eating with your mouth closed. Because no, it’s not humane and no it’s not accepted.