I was already well into my 40s when I started this whole carnivore adventure, so let’s just get that straight. This is not one of those “I just turned 40 and discovered collagen” stories. No. This was a fully seasoned, already-creased, 40+ situation.
And at first? I thought I had hacked the system.
Meat, fat, simplicity… and suddenly my skin started behaving like it had gone to therapy. Calm. Even. Glowy. Those stubborn little dimples on my legs? Practically filed a resignation letter. I was looking in the mirror like: okay… who is she?
But Debbie (who still uses the same moisturizer she bought in 2007) looked at me, squinted, and said: “Yeah, but all that fat can’t be good for you.”
Debbie also eats margarine, so I took that under advisement.
Anyway, minor setback. Because at some point, being 40+ kicks back in. Your skin just goes: “Listen, I appreciate the effort… but we are not rebooting to factory settings.”
Still, I persisted.
I have, without exaggeration, smeared everything carnivore-adjacent on my face. Beef tallow? Obviously. Snail slime? Of course. At one point, if Brenda had told me that rubbing bone marrow under a full moon would erase wrinkles, I’d have been outside at 11:59 PM, emotionally committed.
Spoiler: none of it turned me into a 25-year-old.
And then, plot twist of the century, Korean skincare entered my life.
Now listen… I don’t fully know what’s in those bottles. Fermented something. Essence of something else. Possibly hope. Definitely science. Maybe a tiny bit of witchcraft.
But my skin? Thriving.
Like, suddenly my face was like: “Oh we’re doing advanced skincare now? Hydration layers? Innovation? Say no more.” And just like that, BOOM, it all started working again.
My face lifted. My skin smoothed out. That fresh, healthy glow came back. And for the first time in a long time, my body and my face were back on the same page, instead of my face being 28 and my legs filing complaints.
And that’s when Karen showed up.
Karen, armed with Google, fear, and a WhatsApp group, leans in and goes:
“You do realize that Korean skincare stuff could contain anything, right?”
Anything.
And I’m like: Karen… I literally put animal fat on my face for a year. This is an upgrade.
Debbie is confused.
Brenda is taking notes.
Karen is googling fermented snail toxins as we speak.
And me?
I still have lines. They didn’t leave. They just… softened. Became less dramatic. Like they, too, started using better products.
But the overall vibe? Way younger. Where people used to politely land somewhere around 35, I’m now getting “late 20s” again.
Late. Twenties.
At this point, I’m not asking questions. I’m layering serums and protecting my peace.
So what’s the moral here?
Carnivore helps. What you put on your skin helps. But if you’re already 40+, the real glow-up is a mix of realism… a little experimentation…
…and ignoring Debbie, side-eyeing Karen, and never, under any circumstances, telling Brenda exactly what you’re putting on your face.
The Woman Behind the Jersey 