I Didn’t Know Carnivore Came With Fork Trauma

I have a confession.

Since becoming a very, very small carnivore influencer…

My Instagram algorithm has become… aggressive. Every other video is a glorious ribeye.

Butter melting. Perfect crust. Juices everywhere. Honestly? I’m not complaining.

Until… The eating starts. What… Is happening?

I swear, somewhere between seasoning the steak and taking the first bite, half the internet completely forgets how cutlery works.

Fork in one hand. Knife in the other. Holding both like they’re trying to dismantle a washing machine.

For God’s sake… Didn’t we all learn this when we were five?

Now before Karen starts typing… “No Laura, etiquette is a social construct.”

Fine. Maybe it is. But so are trousers, and we still wear those. The funny thing is… I don’t know a single person in my own circle who eats like this.

Not one. Yet somehow, online… It’s like the unofficial entrance exam for Carnivore TikTok. The bigger the steak… The stranger the grip.

Maybe it’s because I spent years working in environments where etiquette mattered. Maybe I’m getting old. Maybe I’m turning into my mother. Honestly… All three are possible.

The worst part?

Carnivore has made me dangerously honest.

A year ago I would quietly judge someone in my head. Today I genuinely have to stop myself from saying: “Excuse me… Would you like me to show you how forks work?” It’s becoming a problem. Because I really love this community. The people are kind. Helpful. Supportive. And I honestly believe carnivore has changed my life.

But…

Can we collectively agree to hold the knife like we’re cutting steak… Not defusing a bomb? I’m asking for all of us. Well… Mostly for me. Because if I have to watch one more perfectly cooked ribeye being attacked like it owes someone money… Karen won’t be the problem. I will.

Now if you’ll excuse me…I have a steak waiting. And yes… I’m holding my fork properly.