Silence Is My Favorite Feeling

Where Did My Filter Go? Somewhere between steak… and healing.

“I don’t know if it was the protein, the carnivore diet, healing from trauma, or all of it combined. I only know I’m not the same person anymore.”

If you’d met me ten years ago…You probably would’ve described me as careful. Not shy. Not quiet.

Just…Careful. I’d think before I spoke. Replay conversations in my head. Wonder if I’d offended someone. Soften my words. Protect other people’s feelings… Even when it meant ignoring my own.

Today?

That’s almost impossible for me to imagine.

Because somewhere along the way…  I lost my filter.

People often ask me what changed. Was it carnivore? Was it all the protein? Was it healing after losing my dad? Honestly… I have no idea. Maybe it was all of it. Maybe it was none of it. I only know I’m not the same person anymore.

One thing I do know…

My mind is quiet. And I mean… Quiet.

No constant overthinking. No emotional rollercoaster. No endless internal conversations. No replaying what someone said three days ago. Just… Silence. Beautiful silence. It’s probably the feeling I’m most addicted to.

Not steak. Not bacon. Not butter. That silence.

People often joke that men become more aggressive when testosterone goes up. Maybe.

I can’t speak for men. But whatever changed in me…Didn’t make me louder. It made me clearer.

My emotions didn’t disappear. They just stopped driving the car.

I don’t really have emotional highs anymore. Or crushing lows. My hormones feel… Flat.

But not in a depressing way. In a peaceful way. Like the sea on a calm morning. That feeling is hard to explain to someone who’s never experienced it. Because once you’ve lived with a quiet mind… You almost forget what chaos sounded like.

Here’s where it gets interesting. I no longer sugarcoat things. If something needs to be said… I say it.

Not because I’m trying to hurt anyone. Quite the opposite. Because pretending usually hurts people more. I used to walk around difficult conversations. Now… I walk straight through them. Kindly. But directly.

I’ve also noticed something else. I have almost no fear when it comes to standing up for someone.

If I see someone being treated unfairly… I step in. Almost automatically. It’s not bravery. It’s simply that the fear isn’t there anymore. I don’t calculate the consequences the way I used to.

Sometimes I wonder… Is this healing? Or have I simply stopped living for everyone else’s approval?

Maybe grief changed me. Maybe losing my dad taught me how incredibly short life really is. Maybe years of feeling unwell made me realize how precious feeling good actually is. Or maybe…

After finally finding peace inside my own head… I just don’t feel the need to pretend anymore.

People sometimes tell me, “You’ve changed.” They’re right. I have. I smile more. I worry less. I sleep better. I think clearer. I speak more honestly. And for the first time in a very long time… What you see… Is exactly what you get. I don’t know if it was the steak. The healing. The protein. Or simply time.

But I do know one thing. I wouldn’t trade this quiet mind for anything. Not even bread 😉